Into the Light
CW: intense transphobia
Adelaide stepped out of Plum’s room, squinting at the change in lighting. Plum had, of course, done a perfect job of healing her arm, but part of her could still feel the stinging pain as her eyes adjusted to the light.
The servant that had knocked on Plum’s door had turned out not to be a servant after all. Brandon recognized one of his mother’s knights, a Sir Kieran or something along those lines. The man stood at least a head and a half taller than Brandon and was probably twice as wide, and that was before accounting for the massive steel-and-cinnabar plate armor that he wore. A sword was cinched tightly to his waist, and Brandon knew without looking that the blade was formed from magically crafted bone.
The idea of his mother sending a knight to fetch him and Plum filled Brandon with an even deeper seated dread than he’d been facing before.
Plum stepped out just behind Brandon, and from her expression, she was just as surprised by the appearance of the metal-shelled mountain of a man that stood before them. She glared at Sir Kieran with an intensity that would’ve made anyone squirm.
“Milady, Prince-Adept,” the knight said sheepishly, pointedly refusing to meet either of their eyes. “The Duchess-Archmagician wishes to see you both.” His voice reminded Brandon of the sound footsteps make when crunching gravel under the heel of a boot
“Yes, yes,” Plum said with a wave of her hand. “And you are to escort us there, I assume?”
Kieran nodded.
“‘Tis not as if we need a guide.”
“I am sure, milady,” Kieran replied. “Nevertheless, our lady has sent me here-”
“You need not explain again, sir knight,” Plum interrupted. “We shall follow dutifully.” The edge of her mouth twisted into a wry smile so subtle that even Brandon barely noticed.
Kieran nodded and turned. His armor clattered with each step, and Brandon fancied that he could feel a tremor in the marble floors with each step. Kieran only hesitated for long enough to ensure that Brandon and Plum were following. Plum snapped twice back into the room, and Meeks appeared from wherever he had been hiding to follow.
As they walked, Plum casually looped her arm through Brandon’s. It was a familiar gesture, and Brandon felt an equally familiar twisting of complicated emotions at her touch. Part of him wanted to pull back and lash out.
“Would you like me to take the lead, love?” Plum’s voice was barely a whisper. “Talking to her?”
Brandon hesitated. “No,” he whispered back. “No, I shall talk to her.”
Plum gave his arm a gentle squeeze, and they walked the rest of the way in silence.
Brandon felt even more out of place than usual walking through the north wing of the Keep to his mother’s solar. Something about the atmosphere had changed. Or perhaps it was just Brandon’s perspective. It felt like the entire Keep was holding its breath.
By the time they made it to Philodora’s solar, the silence had left Brandon metaphorically squirming in place. He glanced down at his hand, still looped through Plum’s arm, and realized that his fists had been clenched so tightly that the blood had drained from his knuckles. He felt a brief pang of discomfort from the sight of his own hands, relaxed his fingers, and looked away.
Kieran knocked surprisingly softly on the door to the Duchess-Archmagician’s solar.
“Enter,” Philodora called from the other side of the door, and Brandon felt a lurch in his stomach. Philodora was standing on the far side of the room. The curtains were open, which struck Brandon as unusual, and his mother was gazing from the window down onto the fields to the north of the Keep. Regia was on her perch, alert, with her head cocked at the newcomers.
Kieran bowed deeply and backed away and out of the room. Brandon flinched as he heard the lock ker-thunk behind him.
“Sit,” Philodora commanded. Brandon and Plum both obliged.
Philodora turned. Brandon had expected to see anger. He could have dealt with anger. In a way, it might have justified him, given him the strength to defy his mother.
Instead, all he saw was disdain.
“I assume you both know why you are here,” Philodora said, slowly seating herself behind her massive, dark-wooden desk.
“Enlighten us,” Brandon answered.
Philodora’s eyebrow twitched upwards momentarily, and Regia fluttered. “You are here,” she began, the exasperation in her voice almost palpable. “Concerning the rumours that the servants have been circulating about you. Both of you.” She snapped twice. “Send him in!”
The door opened, and Brandon was shocked to see Kieran had opened the door for Archibald, his bald head and droopy moustache seeming as out of place in Philodora’s study as Brandon himself. Brandon felt his face light up as Archibald entered, but it fell just as quickly when Archibald refused to meet his eyes.
“Archibald, tell my son and Plumeria what you told me,” Philodora commanded.
Archibald glanced up and his eyes briefly met Brandon’s. He looked away immediately, and color flushed his cheeks under his moustache. Brandon felt a wave of dread wash back over him.
“The servants are spreading rumours that the Prince-Adept has been engaging in… degenerate acts.” Brandon felt his blood run cold. He’d heard right, and he’d feared right.
“Be specific, if you would,” Philodora said, her nose in the ever-present sheaves of paper.
“They claim that he- well, that he has been wearing women’s clothes, and makeup, and even pretending to be a woman.” Archibald, for his part, looked mortified.
Brandon felt like his heart had either stopped or was beating too fast to feel. He stared in horror at Archibald, and then his mother, and then back to Archibald. Even though he knew what the rumours said, hearing them said aloud—and in front of his mother—filled him with a terror bordering on the existential.
Philodora nodded and waved a hand. “Thank you, Archibald,” she said dismissively. “You may leave us.”
Archibald bowed, and with one last sheepish glance towards Brandon, was gone.
Philodora silently regarded Brandon and Plum for a few moments, her fingers rapping a rhythm on her desk. After what felt like an eternity, she leaned forward and steepled her fingers.
“Have you any notion,” she began softly, but the hard edge of anger in her voice made Brandon’s heart skip another beat. “Of the position you’ve forced me into?”
“Mother, I-”
“Be silent, Brandon. I do not want to hear excuses.”
“Are you not even going to ask if ‘tis true?”
“Of course ‘tis true. Did you think I’d no notion? I only hoped you would have the good graces to keep it hidden.”
Brandon felt his face flush. She knew? How? For how long? He floundered for a response, but Philodora continued unabated.
“This little… hobby of yours threatens to undermine everything we have worked towards. Do you have any idea what would happen if this spread outside the Keep?”
“Mother-”
“You will stop this at once, do you understand me?”
“I-”
“I do not want to hear your objections, Brandon. This is an order as your mother and liege.”
“Would you just-”
“No, I will not. And you will cut your hair. I will do everything I can to dispel these rumours but your hair will not help.”
Plum erupted.
“She will not cut her hair.” Plum’s face was red and her knuckles white where she clenched the arm of the chair. In spite of the situation, Adelaide felt a burst of pride at hearing Plum defend her. Meeks was slinking back and forth between Plum’s legs, eyes trained on Regia.
“She?” Philodora scoffed. “I can not believe that you are feeding into his delusions, Plumeria. I had such high hopes for you.”
“They are not delusions, Philodora. Do you not care if your child is happy?”
“Happy?” Philodora snapped back. “I care not for happiness. Do you think I have ever been happy? I want him to succeed. His success and the success of our house are vital not just for his future but for the entire future of this country, and I will not have that ruined by some childish fantasy.”
“What good is success if one is miserable?”
“‘Tis all the good!” Philodora was on her feet now. “Without it one has nothing!”
“I would rather be nothing than spend my life pretending to be someone I am not.” Plum was on her feet now too.
“That is not your choice to make for him.”
“‘Tis not yours, either.”
The two glared at each other, breathing heavy, their hands near their wands. Regia had her head cocked at Plum, and Meeks was fully puffed up, ears flattened and tail held high in warning.
Adelaide tasted salt on her lips and realized that she was crying. Her chest heaved with a sob that she failed to choke down. Plum glanced back at her, and her gaze immediately softened. She put a hand on Adelaide’s shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze.
Philodora sat back down heavily and sighed. She pressed a finger to her temple and rapped the desk again with her other hand.
“You will stop this,” Philodora commanded. “That is not optional. If you want to keep that buggerer’s hair, then fine.” Adelaide flinched. “But if I catch any more wind of you wearing women’s clothes or calling yourself something you are not, you will be cast from this Keep and this House, and I will make a replacement for you. I grew one child myself, I shall do it again if need be.” She waved her hand. “Get out of my sight.
Adelaide stood abruptly, tears streaming freely down her face. She left the room without a word, and a small part of her was surprised to see that Kieran was still floating just outside Philodora’s solar. She said nothing to him as she passed, and he pointedly did not meet her gaze.
“You should be ashamed of yourself,” Adelaide distantly heard Plum say before she rushed after her.
Plum caught Adelaide by the sleeve as she hurried after her, catching her just past the door leaving the solar.
“Adelaide,” she said softly. Adelaide did not react.
“Adelaide!” Plum said more insistently, with a tug on Adelaide’s sleeve. Adelaide turned to look at her and could barely make out her features past the tears filling her eyes. Plum made a sad oh sound and wordlessly pulled Adelaide in for a hug.
By the time Adelaide pulled away, the shoulder of Plum’s dress was soaked through with tears and running mascara. Adelaide sniffled and wiped her eyes, then bent down to scratch Meeks behind the ears.
“I ruined your dress,” she choked out the words. “Sorry.”
“I do not care about the dress, love. I am far more concerned about you.” The empathetic pain in her face as she looked at Adelaide was almost too much to bear. “Would it be silly to ask if you are alright?”
“Yes,” Adelaide replied. A wry smile snuck across her face, and then she choked down another sob. “I do not know what to do now, Plum. I shall not go back to being him all the time, I can not.”
“You will not, Adelaide. I will not allow it.”
“But you heard her.” Adelaide’s shoulders shook. “I’ve no choice.”
“There is always a choice,” Plum said vehemently.
Adelaide shook her head. “She threatened to replace me, Plum.”
“I know.”
“She could just give herself another baby. ‘Tis what she did for me.”
“Maybe she shall.”
Adelaide met Plum’s eyes for the first time since leaving Philodora’s solar. “What do you mean?”
“We have options, Adelaide. Or at least one.”
Adelaide looked at Plum quizzically for a moment, and then her eyes widened with realization.
“Laszlo,” she said softly.
“Laszlo.”
“When I spoke to him last night, he told me in no uncertain terms that I would be welcome with the Fifth Law. That Adelaide would be welcomed.”
“I hardly want to leave our home either, but I will not let you pretend to be him for the rest of your life.”
“So, what?” Adelaide asked. “We just leave? This has been our home our entire lives.”
“I know, love. But I will not stand by and let you go back to how you were.” Adelaide could almost feel the familiar stinging pain in her wrist.
Plum produced a handkerchief from her sash and began gently wiping Adelaide’s face. Underneath the fear and pain, Adelaide felt a small thrill at her touch, but she pushed it down.
“Can we go to your room?” Adelaide asked, her voice still quavering.
“I… yes,” Plum answered, her hand hesitating just above Adelaide’s skin. “Yes, love, of course.” She tucked the handkerchief away and looped her arm back through Adelaide’s.
Archibald stood immediately outside the doorway, wringing his hands. His cane was leaning against the wall next to him, and he was leaning heavily on his good leg.
“My lord,” Archibald said as soon as Adelaide opened the door. “I am… truly sorry.”
“Save it,” Plum snapped, but Adelaide squeezed her hand by way of stopping her.
“‘Tis alright, Mister Archibald,” Adelaide replied, her voice still slightly cracking. “You had no other choice, I am sure.”
“‘Twas still not right. Had I the choice, I would never have told.”
“Then why did you?” Plum asked with barely contained venom.
“The Duchess-Archmagcian… she, well, she threatened to start firing the staff if I did not. I could not rob them of their chance to work, please understand-”
“I do, Mister Archibald.” Adelaide smiled softly. “Truly, I do. I bear you no ill will. I am well aware how my mother can be. But please, sirrah, I must return to my chambers.”
Archibald nodded and bowed deeply before silently stepping to the side to allow them to pass. He still refused to meet Adelaide’s eyes. Plum squeezed Adelaide’s hand, and the two walked the rest of the way in silence.
Once they were safely in Plum’s room, Plum eased Adelaide down onto the bed gently.
“Do you want some water, love?” Plum asked softly. Adelaide nodded, and Plum ducked into the other room. Adelaide hardly noticed time passing, and had barely moved when Plum returned with a glass of water. Adelaide flinched as Plum gingerly touched her shoulder. She’d barely been aware of her surroundings. She took the water with shaky hands and took a few small sips.
Plum gently took the water and placed it on the bedside table. She reached out and smoothed Adelaide’s hair where a few strands had come loose. Meeks chirruped and curled against Adelaide’s leg.
“Hey,” Plum murmured. “‘Tis going to be okay.”
Adelaide looked up at Plum. Her eyes had welled over again. “How?” she asked, her voice breaking.
Plum hesitated. “I am not going to pretend I have a full solution, but we will figure it out.” Plum’s voice was soft and soothing, and for a moment Adelaide let herself be lulled. “You are not alone, and I will not let her do this to you.”
Adelaide nodded. “Okay,” she tried to answer, but no sound came out. “Okay,” she said again, and looked Plum in the eyes. “I trust you.”
Plum smiled in the way that made Adelaide’s heart skip a few beats. “Good.” She stood and gently pulled Adelaide to her feet. “Come,” she commanded gently. “You should eat.”
Adelaide let Plum get her food, and she ate it without fully being aware of it. She felt like a ghost, barely aware of her own actions. She found herself back in her own chambers, Meeks curled next to her on Plum’s bed. Plum wasn’t there, and Adelaide felt a surge of panic.
Did she leave me here? Adelaide thought, her heart in her throat. I can not do this alone, I can not do this without her- her thoughts cut short when Plum opened the door, carrying a pitcher of water and a pile of clothes.
“Here,” Plum said, filling an empty glass with the water from the pitcher. She held the glass out to Adelaide and commanded “drink.”
Adelaide took a few small sips and then set the water down. Her heart had slowed, and she breathed deeply to calm herself.
“What’s that?” Adelaide asked, gesturing at the laundry Plum still held in her other arm.
“Your pajamas,” Plum replied. “I thought you might want to get a bit more comfortable.”
Adelaide flushed and nodded. She took the stack of clothes from Plum and walked over to the partition in the corner. She quickly changed (as always, being careful not to look too long) and let her hair down. The pajamas Plum had chosen for her were an oversized tunic and a pair of loose fitting shorts. The tunic fell farther down her legs than the shorts did, and Adelaide briefly considered not even wearing the shorts, but decided against it.
Stepping out from behind the partition, Adelaide saw Plum scratching Meeks behind the ears and looked up at Adelaide with a soft smile. She patted the bed next to her, and Adelaide obliged by sitting gingerly next to her.
“Do you need anything else, love?” Plum asked softly.
Adelaide shook her head. “No, I… think I am alright.” She glanced briefly up at Plum, and the furrow of concern in her brow made Adelaide feel a lump of guilt in her throat.
Plum nodded slowly, and put a hand on Adelaide’s. She gave it a gentle squeeze and made as if to stand. Adelaide didn’t let go of her hand.
“I, um,” Adelaide began. “I… do not think I should be alone tonight.” Her thoughts flickered to the knife in her bedside drawer, and she felt a phantom sting in her still bandaged arm.
“Can you stay?” Adelaide asked, her voice barely a whisper.
Plum’s gaze immediately softened. “Of course, love,” she replied, and Adelaide instantly felt a weight release off of her shoulders. “I shall run back to my room to grab my own nightclothes and wash up. Will you be okay for a few minutes?”
Adelaide nodded, and Plum smiled again.
“I shall be right back,” Plum said, and then was gone, leaving Adelaide and Meeks alone.
Adelaide scritched Meeks’s chin and stared at nothing while Plum was gone. Her thoughts were somehow simultaneously far too overwhelming and yet barely anything. She thought of Archibald, and Laszlo, and her mother, and Plum, but most of all she thought about herself. She still had no idea what she would do now. She couldn’t go back to being Brandon all the time, but she knew her mother was not one to make an idle threat.
Adelaide’s thoughts were interrupted by Plum’s knock at the door. She entered without waiting for Adelaide’s response carrying her nightclothes. She smiled at Adelaide and stepped behind the partition to change.
She peeked her head around the corner a few moments later.
“Would you mind untying me, love?” she asked, gesturing with the string of her corset. Adelaide flushed, but stood without a word and stepped over to the partition. She undid Plum’s lacing, trying not to stare overmuch.
“Thank you,” Plum said softly. “Now shoo, I am about to change.” Adelaide could sense more than hear the joke in her voice, and sat back down on the bed.
Plum stepped back out around the partition a few moments later. She now wore a long, flowy nightgown that draped loosely over her body like satin over a sculpture. Adelaide felt the heat rise to her cheeks, and suddenly couldn’t meet Plum’s eyes.
Plum made her way to the bed and gestured at Adelaide’s hair.
“Shall I put it up for you?” she asked.
Adelaide flushed deeper and nodded. She couldn’t quite make words form.
Plum sat on the bed behind Adelaide and began pulling her hair up into a bun. Adelaide leaned into her touch, desperate to feel someone else’s warmth.
“‘Tis going to be alright, love,” Plum said softly.
Even though Plum’s lips were at least a foot away from Adelaide, she felt almost like the words were being whispered into her ear, and she felt herself grow even redder. She grabbed the hem of her tunic and twisted it around her fingers, tight enough that the tips began to lose color.
“How do you know?” she asked, her words barely a whisper.
Plum, satisfied with her work, moved to Adelaide’s side. Her hand found Adelaide’s and squeezed it.
“Because we will be together,” she murmured. Her face was so close that Adelaide could smell her hair. She found her eyes stuck on Plum’s lips. They were slightly open, and her cheeks were slightly flushed in a way that Adelaide hadn’t seen on her before. Adelaide’s heart felt like it had stopped beating.
Plum closed the distance and pressed her lips against Adelaide’s. Adelaide squeaked in surprise. Plum’s lips were soft and smooth, and tasted somehow slightly sweet.
Adelaide had never been kissed before, and it felt like time had stopped. Her heart was frozen in between beats, and her entire universe was nothing more than the soft press of Plum’s lips against hers.
After an eternity or a moment, Plum abruptly pulled back. Her eyes were wide, like she was just as surprised as Adelaide.
“I- um, I am sorry—fuck—I- sorry,” Plum stammered. Adelaide couldn’t quite get her mouth or her brain to form words.
Plum shot to her feet, nearly knocking Adelaide over. “I shall fill up the water pitcher,” she said quickly, grabbing said pitcher off the bedside table. It was still mostly full. “I- um, yes.” And then she was gone.
Adelaide sat in stunned silence. Her heart was hammering out of her chest, and her face felt hot enough to burn. What just happened? she thought. She could scarcely believe it—had Plum really just kissed her? She gingerly touched her own lips in disbelief.
Adelaide focused on trying to control her still out-of-control breathing and slow her heart. She had been wanting this for so long, no matter how much she lied to herself about it. So why did it feel so wrong now? She couldn’t shake the feeling that the kiss should not have happened.
Why did she run away? Adelaide thought. They should talk about this, shouldn’t they? Adelaide stood and stepped over to the window. She peeked through the curtains and up at the night sky. The moon was bright and full, and the stars twinkled gently away. Adelaide was suddenly very, very tired. It had been a long day, and she had gotten little sleep the night before.
She returned to bed and crawled under the covers. Meeks mrrped at her disgruntledly—“Sorry, buddy,”—as she moved the covers under him. As soon as her head hit the pillow, Adelaide felt the exhaustion wash over her. She fought to keep her eyelids open, but it was no use. Sleep overcame her, and she drifted off to rest alone.
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