My eyes snapped open, and I felt the now familiar rush as my mind adjusted to this new reality.
Once I calmed myself down, I sighed and forced myself to sit up and look around. It looked like a rather typical, if somewhat cramped, studio apartment. It was a bit messy, but considering the depression nest I usually had built up by the end of every six months, I wasn’t one to be concerned about that.
I swung my feet over the edge of the bed and pushed myself to my feet. There was a full-length mirror on the other side of the room, and I walked over to it to take stock of myself. Everything looked okay, other than the fact that it seemed like I hadn’t showered in two days or so. My mind and my body were the only things that didn’t change every month when I woke up in whatever new reality They had concocted for me.
I spent a few minutes familiarizing myself with the apartment I would be living in for the next month. It didn’t take very long. I had enough food to last a week or so, which should give me enough time to find out how to make some money, and it seemed like I had enough clean(ish) clothes to get by without even having to do laundry for the first couple weeks, which was a nice little bonus. Sometimes They were kind to me.
I found a phone (no passcode, thankfully) and noticed that my card was connected to it, and on checking the balance saw that I had nearly 1500 dollars saved. Not a whole lot, but I might even be able to get through the six months without getting a job if I was smart with my money.
Time to not be smart with my money, I thought as I searched online for the nearest coffee shop. The one other thing that never changed each time was a crippling caffeine addiction, and I needed coffee. As I searched, I saw that it was a Thursday in September, and I was in a smallish town in northern Illinois. Oak Hills or something like that. I had ended up in this region a couple of times by now, and all the town names were something like that around here.
I took a quick shower, dug up some only slightly musty clothes, and found my way out of the apartment building to walk just down the street to the coffee shop I had found. This was a surprisingly cute little neighborhood. My apartment was in a small building with just a couple units, and just around the corner was a town center of sorts that had coffee shops, clothing stores, and locally owned restaurants galore. If I didn’t know I would be in an entirely different universe in 180 days, I would even consider it a place I might like to live.
I made my way to the coffee shop, called Vienne’s, and bought a small cappuccino and a croissant, and had a seat with my breakfast near the window. I pulled out my phone and set about trying to figure out as much as I could about the life I had found myself in. Recent texts were dry, but told me a lot. The most recent text was from 3 days ago, and was from “Mom,” who had sent me some article about microplastics or something. A text from two days before that was from someone I gathered to be a former boss, and the most recent text said “Don’t bother coming in tomorrow. Or ever again.” Well, I guess that answered that. No job, seemingly no friends, no partner or family I talked to often. I preferred it that way. Less drama, less trying to bullshit away excuses or why I had no idea who these people are.
I sighed and leaned back, closing my eyes. There was no point in stressing about this. I would get through it. And no matter how much it sucked, I would be out of here in six months anyway. I could make it through, no matter how lonely this new dimension seemed, or how depressed this me had been.
“Excuse me, is this seat taken?”
I snapped my eyes open and looked at the person across from me. I must have looked like an idiot, staring at her wordlessly for a few seconds, but I couldn’t help it. She was gorgeous. She had delicate features, with a smattering of freckles across the bridge of her nose and her cheeks, and her eyes were deep and kind and so, so green, even through her glasses. Her hair was long and wavy, and a warm shade of brown that made me think of my cappuccino. She was wearing eyeliner and eyeshadow, but no other makeup as far as I could tell. Maybe lip gloss, or maybe her lips were just naturally that smooth.
“Uh, I, no, feel free.” I managed to stammer out, feeling about as dumb as I probably sounded. The woman smiled at me in response and sat down. A quick glance around the room told me that while I was engrossed on my phone, the coffee shop had filled up quickly, and the seat opposite me seemed to be the only one that had been free in the whole shop. The woman pulled out the chair and sat down. I noticed she had ordered the same thing as me, a small cappuccino and a croissant, and she set a laptop next to them.
“Sorry to bother you, but I come here to write every Tuesday and Thursday and it’s always super packed. But the wifi is free and the croissants are so so good and the coffee is cheaper than Mel’s. My name’s Katherine, by the way, but you can call me Kat.” She spoke quickly, almost like she was worried that her words would run away from her if she didn’t get them out fast enough. But her voice was soft and musical, and it only made me more flustered.
“Um, I’m Adrianne.” At this point, I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks.
“Pleasure to meet you, Adrianne. I don’t think I’ve seen you around before. Are you new in town?”
“Something like that, yeah.”
Kat cocked her head. “What do you mean by that?”
“It’s uh, hard to explain. What about you, have you lived here long?” One thing I had gotten really good at from all this reality-hopping was dodging uncomfortable questions.
“Mmmm, no, I’ve lived here for about three years now. I grew up in Colorado though. Where do you come from, Ms. ‘Hard to Explain’?”
I flushed at her ribbing. What’s wrong with me? I thought. I knew better than to talk to people like this. Getting to know someone inevitably led to me getting attached, and that only made it hurt when They sent me to a new reality. But I couldn’t help myself. Something about this girl made me want to talk to her, made me need to talk to her. Maybe it was just the loneliness of the past… however long They had been bouncing me from reality to reality, but I let myself talk to her in spite of myself.
“Sort of all over. My family moved around a lot, and lately I can’t seem to find myself staying in one place very long. I guess home is just wherever I lay my head down.” It was close enough to the truth. Especially the last part.
She nodded, understanding. “It can be so hard to find a place where you feel like you belong. I get it.” From a lot of people, that might’ve sounded condescending. But from Kat, it just felt empathetic, like she understood more than I would’ve thought.
Over the next 45 minutes or so, Kat and I just talked. We kept talking long after our coffees and croissants were gone, and it was incredible. We talked about our lives and our passions, and I did my best to dance around my reality-hopping situation. Somehow my being shady about my entire life didn’t really seem to phase her. She was either incredibly kind or incredibly naive. Or maybe both. But I didn’t care. I just didn’t want this encounter to end. I hadn’t spoken to anyone in this way in… I didn’t even know how long. I had given up on knowing people probably hundreds of realities ago. But right now, I could have spent my entire six months in this loop, right here, in this coffee shop, talking to Kat. I even told a joke at one point – me, a joke! – and as she laughed she glanced down at the clock on her phone and let out a gasp. “Shit, I’m gonna be late for work, I have to go.”
She stood and gathered up her things, but before she dashed out the door, she turned back to me. “Um, Adrianne. I want to see you again,” and with that she pulled out a pen and took my hand, and wrote her phone number on it. I felt myself flush at her touch. “You better text me,” she ordered. She tapped me on the nose with her finger and ran out the door.
Something told me that I was in trouble.
I sat there in Vienne’s for a while, thinking about what had just happened. More importantly, thinking about Kat. Every thought kept returning to her: her smile, her eyes, her hair, and her laugh. I knew what was happening, of course I did. I was falling for her. And that scared me. I would be gone in half a year, and I would never see her again. It was already hard to adjust to a new reality, but to fall in love and then have to leave them… that was even harder, I knew from experience. And to think about what that would do to her, if she felt the same… that was even worse.
Even knowing all that, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I wanted to know her, wanted to spend time with her and be with her. But could I do that to myself? Could I do that to her?
I sighed and put my head in my hands. First things first, I needed to make sure I wouldn’t starve over the course of these six months. I still have nightmares about the reality where I starved myself in an attempt to break this cycle. It didn’t work.
I left the coffee shop and headed back to my apartment, and started sending out job applications. Nothing interesting, of course. I had no resume, no idea if I had a degree in this reality, or any official qualifications. So I applied to customer service jobs, food service, and the like. Those kinds of places were always hiring, no matter the reality.
I sent out applications until my vision was swimming, and then looked around my apartment a bit more. I found a couple of books, some science-fiction novels that I had never heard of, and the scraps of what looked like long discarded hobbies. I glanced down at my hand again to Kat’s number. Her smile appeared in my mind’s eye again, and I heard her voice telling me you better text me. I wanted to. And clearly she wanted me to. But she didn’t know the whole story, didn’t know that the only outcome was me disappearing and hurting her. I couldn’t do that to her. Better to just not text her and hurt her a little now than hurt her a lot later… right?
I saved her number to my phone anyway. It wouldn’t hurt to dream, right? I sighed, and set about straightening my apartment a bit. Just because I was only here for half a year didn’t mean I needed to sit here and rot.
After a while, I decided I was satisfied and decided it was time to go to bed. Hopefully I would have heard back from some of those jobs in the morning. I found some pajamas, changed, and climbed into bed.
That night, I dreamed of Kat.
The next few days were pretty uneventful. I started working at some mom-and-pop convenience store down the road, just to make ends meet. It wasn’t glamorous, but it would pay for rent and groceries, so I’d have somewhere to live and something to eat. And, since I didn’t have to worry about savings or medical bills or anything, I could afford to buy coffee every day or a treat now and again.
Come Tuesday, I remembered what Kat told me about how she would go to Vienne’s every Tuesday and Thursday. I had been avoiding the shop, going to the other one down the street, Mel’s, that she had said was too expensive. It was, but it meant I was farther away from her.
But today, I felt drawn to Vienne’s. Even though I had already decided that I wouldn’t contact her, I couldn’t stop myself from making my way to the coffee shop where we had met.
It didn’t matter, though. I sat there for nearly an hour, killing time on my phone, simultaneously hoping and dreading seeing her again, but she didn’t show up. Part of me was devastated. I had wanted to see her again. But a bigger part of me was relieved. I didn’t even know what I would’ve said to her. I sighed and headed out the door and back down the street towards my apartment.
“Adrianne?”
My heart jumped into my throat. The voice from behind me sounded like music, and I recognized it immediately. It was her. I turned and sure enough, I saw the cappuccino-colored hair coming towards me, and I found myself staring into her deep green eyes.
I would have expected anger. I could have dealt with that. It would be what I deserved. But instead she looked hurt. And that was so much worse.
“You didn’t text me,” she said, and the hurt in her voice made me want to cry or berate myself for hurting her. No! The only outcome was me hurting her, I couldn’t do this. “Why?”
“I- I’m sorry,” I found myself saying. “I- I don’t know.” It was only partially a lie. “I was- I was scared I guess.” Stuttering like an idiot again, of course.
Her eyes softened somewhat, and I saw a flicker of understanding pass over her face. She nodded slowly, and pulled out her phone. She sent a text and nodded more firmly, then turned back to me. “Do you have anything planned today?”
I nodded. “I have work in a few hours.”
“Not anymore. Call off.”
“Huh? Why?”
“Because I’m not letting you get away from me again. I just called off work, and you’re mine for the rest of the day.” I felt the heat creep into my cheeks at her words. You’re mine. I blinked and tried to shake the thought from my mind. Stop it! I yelled at myself in my head.
“I, uh-” before I could stammer out a response or an excuse, she reached out and snatched my phone from my hand and stepped a few feet away. Her movements were fluid and graceful, like a dancer. She woke it up (I knew I should have set a passcode) and quickly found my messages. I rushed over to try and take it back, but quick as a flash she had found my texts to the convenience store’s owner and activated voice-to-text.
“I’m sick and can’t come in today,” she said, and I saw my phone typing out her words. I ran to her and snatched my phone back, but before I could delete the message, she yelled out “send!”
I heard the notification sound as my phone sent the message and looked back at her in shock. She grinned, and my heart skipped a beat.
“Good! Now you’re free for the rest of the day.” She reached down and grabbed my hand, and I felt like my heart was going to leap out of my throat. “Come on, Adrianne. I’m taking you on a date.”
Oh, yeah. I was definitely in trouble.
Cambria's Corner 
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